Coming weekend I'll be going back to Holland again. This time it won't be with my regular flight, KL554, but with an Air France flight, stop over in Paris and than on my way to Schiphol, Amsterdam airport. Arrival will be about the same time, so I'm leaving early. Why am I blogging about this? Because the other day I got an interesting question from my driver:
"Do you always visit Madam Iwan when you go back to Hullanda", which doesn't require a translation. The obvious answer was of course "Yes, of course!", but the question itself was interesting because it should be clear to anyone that when you've been away from your family for about 2 weeks, you'll be visiting them. But as it seems it wasn't that obvious to my driver, which was proven by his follow up question: "Do you have another wife?", which kind of flaborgasted me. Was my driver asking me whether or not I have a lady-friend on the side? It seemed he did. My answer should've been "No, of course not", but I stuck with "No". There had to be a reason for this question.
We continued our drive and he explained that he had another wife, that he visits every now and then. The wife I met months ago was the mother of his children, a son and 2 daughters. His other wife, of which I just learned about, he has no children with. The point was more or less, that he visits her when he's tired of his other wife and wants to have a good time. He was actually very candid about the whole matter and didn't seem to have any weird understanding about it. So I just accepted that my driver was cheating on his wife and told me about it. As if it was the most natural thing to do.
I on the other hand thought that it was not really something you talk about. I consider myself rather liberal and open minded to new stuff and other habits, that's one of the main reasons why I enjoy living and working abroad, but I also feel that you should treat everybody with a decent amount of respect. And when you're cheating on your wife, you shouldn't just blurt it out as if it is normal. You keep the fact that you're disrespectful against your wife and your children's mother to yourself.
Anyway, I'm not cheating on my wife so I could be honest the whole drive.
Now apparently it is quite common in Egypt to have more than one wife. Actually it is by law allowed... and if I understood correctly, only when you're Muslim. This because the Koran says that under circumstances you are allowed to have up to 3 additional wives next to your first wife. But only if you meet the criteria and your first wife approves. So it wasn't that weird a question my driver asked me. It was actually quite a normal question. He knows I don't see my wife most of the time, so if I have more than one wife, I would probably alternate between the two during my visits. Still at the time the question was odd.
One thing I've come to realize in Egypt is that state and religion are very much interwoven. Something that was confirmed by my colleagues during a discussion we had on the topic. And in fact this goes as far as that based on your religion, certain laws apply and others don't. For example, the Orthodox Christian church in Egypt doesn't allow married couples to divorce, where as Muslims are allowed to divorce. In case you're an Orthodox Christian by law you're not allowed to divorce, but if you convert to for example to Muslim, you are allowed to divorce.
In an earlier post I already stated that the Egyptians are actually very liberal and tolerant when it comes to religion. 15% of the population is Christian and many of the Christian holidays are celebrated and considered public holidays. Something many western countries might take as an example of how to live together. But having which laws apply to you depend on your religion is a bit too, well, unorthodox. But this goes as far as that the holy scripture of your religion is prevalent over governmental law.
Without judging I can say that I find this highly interesting. Moreover because I grew up in an environment where since centuries church and state are separated and state dictates law, church takes care of moral issues. I worked in Pakistan, which is a really predominantly Muslim country, which shows in many aspects of everyday life. And I lived and worked in the US, which although they claim that church and religion are separated as well, really isn't. The Christian lobby is extremely strong and in many cases laws are passed because of the religious believes of the legislators. Europe's got it pretty much nailed down in many cases. And Turkey has been transformed by Ata Turk by force, but slowly it seems that church is gaining power within governmental matters again.
But all things aside, here in Egypt it seems to be working. From what I've been told and what I experience, the fundamental pillars of most religions are respected. Things like respect your fellow human, treat people nicely, don't hurt yourself or your fellow man etc. Are very much embedded in this society.
I'm really not a proponent of inter-operability of state and church. I think they should be separated but also, they should be alligned. Religious believes should not result in unlawful behaviors or actions and definitely laws should not consider what religion prescribes. But again, most religions have fundamental pillars that make a lot of sense when applied as the foundation of law.
Here in Egypt it all seems to work. But than again, what do I know? I only have one wife and it never crossed my mind to get a second one.
Iwan
PS: One of the reasons to have additional wives is to help them out. As religion prohibits men and women that are not related nor married spend a lot of time together without any chaperon, you'll need to marry the woman when you want to structurally help her. It is sort of social security for women.
(Disclaimer: I am not an expert when it comes to law or religion. And most definitely I am not an expert when it comes to Egypt law or the Islam. I am merely a witness of everyday life in Cairo, who's interested in how people live their life in Cairo.)
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